I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
