he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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