At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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