I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
