sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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