I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
