Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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