the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
