i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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