Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think i have herpe
just one?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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