I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
