So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
