I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We're too hungover to prance.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
