your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Randomize
