then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
