P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
pop tarts are not kleenex
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
