**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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