awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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