So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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