Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
