i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
