i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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