This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
