told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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