i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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