Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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