i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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