The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How's work?
Spinning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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