And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
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I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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