So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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