i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
