you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Boobs are out for the taking
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
