girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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