hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
