He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
