Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
