im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
