I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
