There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
