she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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