She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
