Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Did I show you my penis last night?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
