i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
