NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
