I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
