Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Say something about gay babies.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize