I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize