my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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