i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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