Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
