Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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