You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
