Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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