what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Girls should come with a carfax report
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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