loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
