There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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