he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
