my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
