Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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