Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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