I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize