if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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