I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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