I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
