Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
