just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
