Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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